


meltdown: angel (even while it's ending, keep it inside)

by i_was_human



Series: after the end [5]
Category: Lobotomy Corporation (Video Game), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lobotomy Corporation Fusion, Brain Damage, Depression, Guilt, Memory Loss, Overdosing, Park Jimin (BTS)-centric, Past Character Death, Suicide Attempt, he's really not okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 02:22:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21312607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: "You just, you just get to be the golden boy, Jeon Jungkook, and you knownothing."
Relationships: Park Jimin (BTS) & Everyone
Series: after the end [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1534679
Kudos: 17





	meltdown: angel (even while it's ending, keep it inside)

Angel chooses to believe that not feeling is safer than feeling too much.

He's seen what feeling does to people. Seen how it tears hearts apart at the seams and destroys the strongest of men.

He knows what happens if he listens to the voices.

But he's learned to handle them. Learned to _ignore _and _repress_ and _stop listening you know what happens if you listen, Angel_-

Inhale. Exhale. 

He presses the syringe to his elbow, sighing as the enkephalin flows through his veins. 

Maybe if he gets high enough, the fall will kill him.

"You shouldn't do that," Seagull warns.

Angel quirks a brow, turning to stare at the head of the Control Team. "Like you care."

"Suga seems to care," Seagull remarks, striding closer. Angel internally swears - he's taller - but Seagull doesn't seem to notice it. "Told me to, and I quote, 'get that high asshole and drag him to the meeting'."

"Fuck the meeting," Angel snaps.

He feels like he's flying.

He feels like he's dying.

* * *

Angel wants to die.

Angel wants to die so he can _stop feeling this_, so he can stop knowing the names of every single picture he has taped up over his desk as a reminder.

There must be thousands.

Thousands of dead, thousands of people he doomed due to his own _damn _incompetence.

And he hates himself for it.

"Angel?" Seagull asks, and Angel can hear the undertone of fear in the younger sefirot's voice. "Angel... are you okay?"

Angel turns to him and laughs, a broken, twisted sound. "You're lucky," he comments, and Seagull's eyes widen in silent understanding. "You don't hafta see them dead. You don't have to know that _every dead person in this fucking company _is your fault, because you didn't _train _them, you don't, you don't have to deal with _every fucking thing _that goes wrong in this company. You just, you just get to be the _golden boy_, Jeon Jungkook, and you know _nothing_."

_"Will it help somebody?"_

"I want to die, Jungkook."

_"Can I... can I see them again?"_

"I want to forget. I want this to stop."

_"J̶̹̙͇̪̩̯͓͕͂̒̑̈́́͐̕ǔ̸̯̩̠̪̈́͒̈́̇͝n̵͈̩̻̤̾̓̆̉̅͠͠͠ģ̷̦̜̞͎̠͍̳̿̍̓̄̍k̵͈̠̠̻̏̚ô̵͔̪͎o̴̧͇͓̪̊͗k̸̨̭̥͖͚͍̤̔̔̎... Y̴̟̬̣̝̙̱͝ó̴͓̤̖͓͈͗̈́̈͘͠ő̸̪̘̫͍̓̊͋̌͘n̷̨̙̻͍̓̈́̌g̵̘̐i̵̭̰̠̖͙͔̣̒́-hyung... T̴̜̑̕ă̷͇̼̣ĕ̸̻͔̤̲̱̍̕͠... I want to see them..."_

"I just want to die, Jungkook. Can you imagine how that feels?"

Seagull's shaking his head and Angel imagines he would be crying, because he wants to cry himself but he's forgotten how. "Jiminie..."

And the name feels right and wrong at the same time but Angel doesn't _care _because he's _so damn close now_ and he just wants it all to stop.

"Jimin-"

"Stop!"

_"It doesn't... I don't feel right, hyung."_

"Don't come near me!"

_"Am I gonna die?"_

"Don't..."

_"I'm so sorry, hyung."_

"..."

* * *

"I'm sorry."

There's pressure on Jimin's left hand, as if someone's gripping it. Not that his brain has enough function left to know who it is.

"Fuck, Jimin... I'm so sorry."

Water drips onto his hand, and Jimin rolls his head to the side with a monumental amount of effort, eyes staring, unseeing, at the man by his bedside.

His hair is messy, long, dyed impossibly red (and he can't remember why that's impossible) and unstyled (should it be styled?). His dark eyes are sunken and dull, there's dried blood on his cheek and rough on his hands, and there's tears rolling down his cheeks.

Does Jimin know him?

"Do I... know you?" Jimin tries, unsure if the words will even come out.

The man dips his head, eyes sliding shut. "I... yeah. You did."

Somewhere in that sentence, there's something Jimin should question.

"That's nice," Jimin hums, head falling back onto the soft, fluffy thing under his head. What is it again? "Really nice."

"Do you remember Hoseok?" the man asks, and Jimin blinks, slow and lazy. "Or Seokjin-hyung?"

"Mmm," Jimin hums, staring blankly into the ceiling. "Nope. Do I know you?"

"My name is Namjoon," the man whispers, and Jimin makes a sound that could be interpreted as approval. "Kim Namjoon."

"Nice to... meet you," Jimin replies, trying to offer a hand. Is that a thing people do? "I'm... I'm Jimin."

"Park Jimin," Namjoon supplies, and Jimin hums, lips curling into a smile. Yeah, that sounds right. "You're Park Jimin."

"How do you know me...?"

"Namjoon," the man smiles, and Jimin nods assent. "We used to be in an idol group together."

"Idol... I was an idol?" Jimin asks, pointing at himself to make sure.

Namjoon's smile dims a bit, but he nods regardless. "Yeah. You were really good."

"Imagine me..."

"Park Jimin."

"Park Jimin as an idol. Was I good?"

"You were the best," the man assures him, and Jimin sighs, wrapping himself in the blankets again. They're warm.

"I'm tired," Jimin mumbles, eyes sliding shut. "Are you gonna be here later?"

There's a moment of silence.

"Yeah..." an unfamiliar voice murmurs. "I'll be here."

"M'kay..." Jimin slurs, exhaustion already tugging at him. "G'night."

* * *

_"Why can't... why can't I remember anything?"_

_JiminAngel_ stares into the ceiling. He can't move. He can't feel.

_"Where am I? Where... where are they?"_

"Angel, Angel, it's okay," someone chants. "I'm here, okay? Seagull is here."

_"Jungkookie... I'm so sorry, Jungkookie..."_

"I-I'm okay, see? I-It's okay..."

_"Tae... Yoongi-hyung..."_

"Minnie..."

"You're gonna be okay, kid. Hyung promises."

_"Hobi..."_

"I'm here. What's going on?"

"Angel... he took the enkephalin..."

"Why's everyone so sad? You should be smiling!"

"Fuck _off_, Hope."

_"Hyung... where are my hyungs...?"_

"Angel, you gotta breathe with me, okay? Breathe with me."

_"Please... I need to see them... please..."_

* * *

Angel opens his eyes to the green ceiling of the Security Team headquarters.

"Angel, thank god," V stammers, gripping the smaller hand like a lifeline. "I was so worried!"

"Why am I... why am I alive?" Angel mumbles.

V's eyes widen, and Angel can imagine tears spilling over. "Jiminie-"

_"Please."_

Angel lets himself fall into the peaceful respite of unconsciousness, and Jimin takes control.

"I'm sorry," the former human chokes out, and Taehyung pulls him into a hug, Jungkook and Yoongi immediately piling on. "I'm so, so sorry..."

He wishes he could cry.

"Min," Taehyung whispers, and Jimin tips his head back, meeting Taehyung's dark eyes. "What did you mean, you can't remember anything?"

_A syringe in calloused hands, a curved, crimson blade, crazed brown eyes-_

"It doesn't make any sense," Jimin slowly replies. "It's like a puzzle missing half its pieces."

"But... you know who we are, right?" Jungkook pipes up, and Jimin nods furiously. 

"Of course, Kook," he assures the youngest, and is rewarded with a relieved smile. "I just..."

_"Namjoon!"_

"It's hard to remember, 's all."

**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me on twit:  
@i_was_human_
> 
> swanky tho~ what's w namjoon?


End file.
